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FunDairy

Seriously Funny

A man and his girlfriend were married. It was a large celebration. All of their friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to partake of the festivities and celebrations. A wonderful time was had by all.

The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love they had for each other was true.

A few months later, the wife comes to the husband with a proposal: “I read in a magazine, a while ago, about how we can strengthen our marriage.” she offered.”Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix them together and make our lives happier together.”

The husband agreed, so each of them went to a separate room in the house and thought of the things that annoyed them about the other. They thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down what they came up with.
The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would go over their lists.

“I’ll start,” offered the wife. She took out her list. It had many items on it enough to fill 3 pages, in fact. As she started reading the list of the little annoyances,she noticed that tears were starting to appear in her husbands eyes.”What’s wrong?” she asked. “Nothing” the husband replied, “keep reading your lists.”
The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands over top of it.

“Now, you read your list and then we’ll talk about the things on both of our lists.” She said happily.

Quietly the husband stated, “I don’t have anything on my list. I think that you are perfect the way that you are. I don’t want you to change anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn’t want to try and change anything about you.”

The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth of his love for her and his acceptance of her, turned her head and wept.

In life, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed and annoyed. We don’t really have to go looking for them.We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty, light and promise.

Why waste time in this world looking for the bad, disappointing or annoying when we can look around us, and see the wondrous things before us?

I believe that WE ARE HAPPIEST WHEN we see and praise the good and try our best to forget the bad. Nobody’s perfect but we can find perfectness in them to change the way we see them.

Zindagi ka yehi tarana hai
Gam uthana hai muskrana hai.

Rop tera bada suhana hai
Tujh pe qurban ye zaman hai.

Kis qadar pyaar mera sachcha hai
Aaj dil bar ko aazmana hai.

Tujh ko paon ya tera hojaon
Zindagi ka yehi fasana hai.

Is tarah se na muskuraya karo
Jaan lewa ye muskurana hai.

Aarzi hai ye dunya aye lugon
Har kisi ko yahan se jana hai.

Arzoo hai yehi meri Danish
Dust dushman ko bhi banana hai.

Woh pyaar jo haqikat me pyaar hota hai,
Zindagi me sirf ek baar hota hai,
Nigahon ke milte milte dill mill jaye,
Yeh ittefak sirf ek baar hota hai.

Dosti hamari ab bad chuki,
India se leke canada tak pahunch chuki,
Sun k bahot khusi huyi,
Apko hamari shayri achi lagi..

Kabi fursat me hotho call karliya karo..
2-4 lafz sunaya b karo..
Hum wait karenge apke call ka
Kuch aur nahi bus ek dost samaja karo…

Mehboob ki basti se hum,
Qutub shahi se nahi,
Gareebi se jude huye hai hum,
Aamiri se nahi,
mohabat me mahal na sahi,
Magr Apna Taj mahal
Zaroor thairayenghe hum….

Sacchi dosti bezuban hoti hai,
Ye to ankhon se bayan hoti hai.
Dosti me dard mile to kya hua,
Dard se hi to apne aur parayo ki pehchan hoti hai…

dil me basa rakha h teri wafaon ko,
Aankhon me chupa rakha h teri adaon ko,
Is jahan me kya de tujhe ae dost,
Ho sake to tohfa samajh lena meri duaon ko..!!

Ruthane ka Haq aap rakthe hai
Mannane ki chahat hum rakhte hai
Aapke hoton pe Muskurahat yuhi bani rhe
Ye dua Hum rab se har roz karte hai

Shayari to sabhi k anmol hote hai,
Par isme sajawat shayar hi dete hai,
Dil to sabhi ko deta hai khuda,
Par isme jagah kuch aap jaise hi lete hai.

Kismat se apni sabko shikayat kyun hoti hai
Jonahi milsakti usi se mohabat kyun hoti hai
Ketne dard hai Rahon me dil ki
Phir bi dil ko usi ki chahat kyon hoti hai

Kashti b nahi badli darya b nahi badla,
Or Doobnay walo ka jazba b nahi badla,
Hai shok-e-safar aisa,
Ek umar se yaro manzil b nahi payi
Raasta b nahi badla..

Dosti sabhi ko jina sikha deta he
Wafa k naam par marna sika deta he
Dosti nhi kiya to kar k dekho
Zalim hr dard sehna sika deta he..

Baat huyi unse Aaj:

Kal tak jo tamanha thi puri huyi Aaj.
Dosti ki ek nayi misaal thairayi unhone aaj.
Kar k wadha pura kare Aaj
Kawaish hamari puri huyi aaj
Dek k unko shanti mili Aaj
Wo Hamare hai keh gaye Aaj
Hame yaqeen hogaya dosti pe Aaj
Dosti me bewafayi nahi hoti
Agar app sab ek wada milne ka karlo aAj

Aye mohabbat tere anjaam pe rona aaya,
Jaane kyun aaj tere naam pe rona aaya..

Yun to har shaam ummeedon me guzar jaati thi,
Aaj kuch baat hai, jo shaam pe rona aaya..

Kabhi taqdir ka maatam, kabhi duniya ka gila,
Manzil-e-ishq me har gaam pe rona aaya…

Jab hua zikr zamaane me mohabbat ka
Mujhko apne dil-e-bekaam pe rona aaya…

Take Care
Shayer:Unknown

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

In a Bangkok temple:IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome:LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Love, you say you love me
How could this be true?
I’ve only just met you
Love takes time to develop
It’s not an instant thing
You can’t know what love is
If you say it this soon
Love takes time
It develops with trust,
patience, caring, understanding
You have yet to earn that of me
I have loved before
True love, an unconditional caring
This love will never be lost
For true love lasts a lifetime
What you feel for me is not true
True lust maybe but not love
Time, I need
Feelings, Confused
Thoughts, Mixed up
Memories, Still there
Touch, Remembered
Kisses, Dream of
His, Not yours
Sorry, I am
Forget, I must
Time, I need

Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). My friend, the Ëœjob hopperâ„¢ (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the Ëœcompany loyalâ„¢ employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:

Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.
Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?
A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.
Q: Which number of job was that?
A: That was my third job.
Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying Ëœemployer loyaltyâ„¢. But I was an idiot.
Q: Why do you say so?
A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a Ëœpermanentâ„¢ job, so I need not worry about Ëœwhat will I do if I lose my jobâ„¢. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.
Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.
A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being Ëœcompany loyalâ„¢ and not Ëœmoney earning and saving loyalâ„¢. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.
Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?
A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.
Q: What have you gained by doing such things?
A: That’s the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.
Q: So you decided on your own hike?
A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a Ëœdebt-freeâ„¢ life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.
Q: So are you debt-free now?
A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq.. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.
Q: Who is complaining?
A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.
Q: What is your advice to professionals?
A: Like Narayan Murthy had said love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company’s needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.
Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?
A: When a company does well, its CEO will address the entire company saying, Ëœwell done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you. But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO will say, It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go. So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.

Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). My friend, the Ëœjob hopperâ„¢ (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the Ëœcompany loyalâ„¢ employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:

Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?

A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time. continue reading…